The Beef and Mustard Sandwich

I've just enjoyed a salad for lunch and to spice it up a bit I had some mustard which was quite nice and a little hot. This brought back memories of the time when I used to work in North John Street in Liverpool for a company formation firm. As we were pretty much in the centre of Liverpool, there was a vast selection of places to go for lunch. There was the bar across the road that used to servce all day breakfast, they were called this as they were so large that it used to be brought in on a trolley and used to take all day to eat. Then there were places with fancy French sounding names where you could buy a lettuce leaf, an olive and some strange sounding dressing for the price of a luxury car and then there was Sayers.

Sayers specialised in providing stodge for people that were hungry and who had malfunctioning taste buds, in this Sayers they served a Steak, onion and mustard roll. I had indulged in the past and to be honest they were quite nice and actually had some taste.

This one however was different, I returned to my office, made some coffee and sat down to carry on with work as I ate my lunch. The first two bites were quite dissapointing as there appeared to be a complete lack of mustard, then there came the third bite.

This mouthful appeared to contain a complete jar of Colmans special hot bastard edition mustard double strength with added Ralgex and it was all in my mouth. My eyes started watering and my breath started melting the screen on my laptop. Then my nose felt like it was swelling up and any minute now would explode, the top of my head started evaporating and my eyes felt as though they wanted to run away from my body. Agony was not the word to use, indescribable pain that just increased until the people in the room above me started to feel it was what was happening.

I couldn't stand up and go and get water as my eyes were glazed over and I could only focus on what was left of the Steak sandwich. After some time the pain subsided and I could once more see and breathe again. Thankfully the wallpaper and the ceiling tiles hadn't suffered too much.

The rest of the sandwich was inspected and there was no mustard in it, all of it was contained in that one searingly hot mouthful.

I've never been back for one and now check any dishes with mustard for hidden surprises